Saturday, September 11, 2010

A Discovery Within My Weaknesses

I have been praying to comprehend the Savior's love more and more and so this is my most recent discovery...

I have been battling a sinus infection this week. My head is pounding, my body aches and my sinuses are throbbing. I have not been getting that much sleep so on top of everything else, I'm exhausted. But, I'm a mom, that means I'm not allowed to be sick. My days must be business as usual and then I fall into bed at night hoping both kids sleep through the night so I can too.

On more than one occasion, I will admit to losing my patience with my family. See, I have to repent all of the time.

As I have tried to turn my thoughts to the Savior I keep remembering what is written about those last few events of His mortal life. He suffered more than we can comprehend in the Garden of Gethsemane. He was immediately betrayed by Judas, taken prisoner, beaten, spit upon, mocked,  scourged (burned), given a crown of thorns, a crowd demanded to crucify Him, He is made to carry His own cross (for which He didn't have the strength or energy so someone had to help Him), His hands and feet are nailed to the cross, His side is stabbed with a sword and all He says in those moments is,

"Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34)
"...I thirst." (St. John 19:28) To which the powers that be offered him a sponge soaked in vinegar.

My poor family heard more than that out of my mouth this last week and it wasn't to ask Heavenly Father to forgive those around me and to ask for a drink. No, I said much more than that and it wasn't always pretty. I'd like to blame it all on my throbbing head and lack of sleep and just let it all go but I don't want it to happen again!

I have a long way to go before I have conquered the weaknesses of this mortal me. The Savior's example of kindness and patience and forgiveness even while He was experiencing much more than just a throbbing head and lack of sleep, lets me know I have a lot of work to do. As frustrating as this is, I know He would not want me to be too hard on myself or dwell on my imperfections to the point that I stop going forward. Because, the irony is that all of His suffering was done specifically so that I could repent and live eternally with Him and not just me but all of us, even those who hurt Him so.

"For, behold, the Lord your Redeemer suffered death in the flesh; wherefore he suffered the pain of all men, that all men might repent and come unto him. And he hath risen again from the dead, that he might bring all men unto him, on conditions of repentance. And how great is his joy in the soul that repenteth!" (D&C 18:11-13)

With Him by my side I can keep trying.

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