Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Right Back Where I Started - But Stronger

A year ago today I made my first post on this blog. You can see that post by clicking here. It was a simple post, and although it was a word for word verse from the scriptures, it came straight from my heart.

Over this past month I've realized that I had begun to stray from my original plan. I was starting to let the traffic generated by this blog get to me and dictate what I posted. I was beginning to focus on the readers, instead of Who I wanted them to read about. I, pridefully, wanted to put up posts that would appeal to more people and would make this blog more mainstream.  There is nothing wrong with mainstream. I love to look around at the wonderful blogs out there written by awesome Mormon women with incredible talents. I learn a lot from everyone. We all need the talents of others.

But by trying to be more like them, I wasn't being true to myself - a self with whom I'm becoming more and more comfortable. (in part due to this blog)  In the beginning, I wanted this blog to be a place of refuge from the storm. A place where those who were lost, could find peace. A place where the healing power of the Atonement could be tangibly felt and sought after. A place that pointed to Jesus Christ.

I wanted to do this because I have needed this my whole life. I've shared that I struggled with 9 years of infertility and I mentioned briefly that both of my parents died way too early but there has been so much, much more. Sometimes, I think the infertility has been the easy trial. But it doesn't even really matter what those struggles have been. What matters is that I KNOW that the only reason I have survived is because of Jesus Christ.

So here I am, back at the beginning. I'm a different person this year than I was last year at this time. Posting on this blog has made me stronger and more courageous. Being bold has helped me be more bold. (did that make sense?) I'm more confidant in my testimony and understanding of our Savior and my faith is deeper. I still have eons to go before I am where I want to be but...

...this isn't about me, is it? No, this blog is Much More Him!

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